Today I woke up and reflected upon my life, in my new apartment and the past 2 months of craziness that brought me here.
How can I carry out my devine purpose if I live under a blanket of stress? Gods way is to bring peace and calm. This is contrary to the state of the world today. Let me bring peace and love to those I come in contact with and abate the stress and commotion that is so wide spread in the world today.
And all things shall be in commotion; and surely, men’s hearts shall fail them; for fear shall come upon all people. (Doctrine and Covenants 88:91.)
This is how I have felt.
August 5th my old housemate took herself off her bi-polar medication: cold turkey. She went in to a huge manic state. She stopped sleeping, keeping me awake in doing so. She started having all kinds of what the average person call “crazy” thoughts. This brought stress to my life.
Three weeks pass. She is acting out more and more and it is becoming more difficult to live with her for the screaming, manic energy singing and constant commotion.
Saturday Sept 2 I leave for tour. Constant motion for two weeks, hotels, gigs, long drives. Not much peace.
Tuesday Sept 19 I fly to Texas. Finally a resting place to visit my sister, her family and our father. 6 days of rest, only I am worried about my housing situation. What will I return home to?
Sunday Sept 24 – Informed my Grandmother died today in Central Washington. Funeral to be arranged.
Tuesday Sept 26 – I fly home. My house mate gives me 4 days to move out. She leaves for 3 days to let me be in the house, with some peace and quiet, but I need to find a place to live… More commotion
Wednesday Sept 27 – I ask my next door neighbor if I can stay in her spare bedroom for a week. She agrees.
Friday Sept 29 – I drive 8 hours to Chelan Washington for Funeral
Saturday Sept 30 – Graveside and Funeral. Time with Family: a time of peace and love.
Sunday Oct – Drive 7 hours “home” to my neighbors house. Still living in my suitcase, since Sept 2.
Monday Oct 2 – I go to my old house to get a few belongings, my house mate has packed up all my things from the kitchen and bathrooms and put them in my space. I am hurt by this gesture. More commotion
Wednesday Oct 4 – House hunting. Set up appointments to look at rooms I found on craigslist. I am beginning to have a substantial breakdown. The stress and sadness is overturning me. I am beginning to have thoughts that God does not exist. I am unable to work out, all I can do is go for easy jogging and walking. I am unable to hold it together without crying. The stress takes over.
Friday Oct 6 – I arrive to work my shift at the temple and have a complete and total breakdown, crying uncontrollably. The Temple matron sits me down to talk. This helps a lot. I work my shift and feel uplifted. I am given a priesthood blessing of faith, courage and strength. This helped immensely. I spend time listening to General Conference talks, this also helps uplift my soul.
Saturday Oct. 7 – I look at the only place my heart feels good about. I love the room and the apartment, and get a good feeling from the 66 year old man I will be living with. I make plans to paint the room the following day. I return to my old home and pack my belongings.
Sunday Oct 8th – I go to my old house to get paint supplies to find out I have to be moved out NOW, that very day. STRESS! So I pray and ask for help. I am given peace and hope, and happiness. I am able to make phone calls and get friends with trucks to help me move. We load the trucks in two hours. Unload into my new apartment. My Best friend helps me with the final load of clothes, food and small items. We go into the back yard of my old place and glean what we can from our garden efforts started earlier this year.
Monday Oct 9th – Thursday Oct 12. Teach classes and private lessons, and unpack/organize. Depression hits hard. I push through and unpack. I ride myself of all belongings I don’t have room for. Sad but necessary.
Friday Oct 13 – I am going to be okay. I like my room. I like my new flatmate. I like that I now live closer to my work. – only a 3 mile bike ride and not a mile ride.
My family and friends have given me such incredible support through all this. Without them I would have crumbled. The priesthood blessing was essential and without the power of God to move forward it would have been miserable. But I was full of Courage, Faith and Strength, not of my own, but as God can give it. I was a changed person.
I am here to attest, we have great power to help or hurt others. Let us all be kind to one another today. There is enough going on in the world.