Since moving to Portland, I have reconnected with a dear friend from college. She is a piano player and we have started playing music together. Boy, what a difference of making music together! It is so much more fun and I feel inspired to do things better. After 4 years I have started seriously practicing again.
Life has changed drastically since moving away from Brooklyn. Things I identified myself by have gone away. I no longer live my life on my bicycle, yet I have not stopped biking. I stopped working out 5 hours a day, but I remain healthy and I have more energy to do others things. I no longer starve myself to save time and stay ‘skinny’. I now eat every two or three hours and my body is happier, smaller AND I can concentrate! I no longer pray 90 minutes for myself every morning just to feel like I have a sure connection with God. I now pray more for others and less for myself and my relationship with God is still intact. While praying I feel less like pleading for Gods help and more like helping myself in life actions. All these things have changed, but I have not stopped being me. In fact, I feel more like me now than I have felt in a long time.
Can we stop being ourselves ever? Not really – doesn’t matter what we do. I have found however that God has changed my heart and made room in my life for these changes. It took a long time – about 2 years. It was painful most times, but I am so much better off now.
Getting rid of half my things was hard for me. In my new room I have limited space. I had to get rid of my couch, I cut 16 inches off the long side of my bed making it twin size to make it fit in my room better (it’s foam, nothing a kitchen knife couldn’t handle). Got rid of unneeded clothing, kitchen wears, my standing desk, and other cherished items. It was hard because I felt like I worked so hard to these things and now I had to get rid of them. Then I realized that God provided it all in the first place, and he would provide again, new things, for this season in my life. It was time to let go of Brooklyn and embrace this life. Over time I am feeling freer and able see how God’s hand is still working in my life.
The thing I love about God, is that he is alive. Walking with God isn’t a one time thing. I had to remember to have faith in him and realize that even though my life completely crumbled, I could still trust in Him to rebuild it, better and stronger. And he has done so. I actually forgot that when life crumbles, it always gets rebuilt. Because I couldn’t see it the end result it was hard for me. But God could see and he had a design. Now that I am here, I can see His wisdom and tender mercy. It is better.
God’s hand in my life:
When I interact with people I see God in my life. Last week I as I was out exploring life in downtown Beaverton I met adults who are interested in playing music again. People who want to join my music program for adults. This is what I have been desiring and praying for. God has provided. God is blessing and guiding me every day along my path. I am experiencing a stronger connection to God as I interact and connect with others. I interact with God every time I interact with another person. Only with other people are we able fill God’s purpose to love one another.
Over all – God has made more room in my life for music and loving people. He has cleared the clutter of my life and it has simplified. Less freaking out about myself, and more desire to reach out to others. I truly have a desire to connect, share and create. This has been a transforming and freeing journey. I am grateful to have more room in my heart for making music, loving and serving others. The challenge and question is, how will I do today?
Extra cool blessing:
The latest amazing miracle – with all the hills in the area, I needed a bike with gears. Riding up steep 300 -500 feet vertical inclines on fixed gear bike sucks. My next door neighbor happens to be a bicyclist. He has a spare road bike, a really nice and well taken care of road bike that he is letting me use. He also equipt me with clip in shoes which happen fit perfectly, and panniers which to clip onto the back rack. What? Are you serious? I am so blessed I don’t know what to do.
Is it worth living a celibate life and staying true to the covenants I have made with God? Yes. God is Good all the time.