There seems to be a lot of reasons to leave my church. There are a lot of voices out there that are telling me because I am Gay and Female that I don’t belong, there is no place for me. I believed them for a while, but I wasn’t happier for it.
This morning I was reading the scriptures and in it I read this;
And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.
For the Lord had not hitherto suffered that we should make much fire, as we journeyed in the wilderness; for he said: I will make thy food become sweet, that ye cook it not; (1 Nephi 17: 2,12)
So how does not cooking meet have anything to do with being a Gay Mormon?
There are things in this life that sometimes just don’t make any sense. In fact I am learning that most things of God don’t make sense on paper, they just don’t work out when you do the math. If everything made sense, there would be no room to develop faith, which is the the most important thing we can learn on Earth. Faith it is actual power. God Just wants us to grow and be empowered to do that which we want to do and become our truest self.
I spent a lot of years asking why? Why would God make me Gay it it is so wrong and bad? Why Why Why? I finally stopped asking why and started asking HOW? How God, do I live as the child you created me to be to become the person you want me to be?
And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led (1 Nephi 17: 13)
I testify that God has created me perfect. He doesn’t make mistakes. I get to choose how I want to live. The more I choose to live the commandments and follow Gods idea and not my own, then so many more doors open, more happiness unfolds, I am graced with more inner peace, love for others, and strength to do that which I want and that which brings me the greatest happiness. God clears the path before me.
I have learned Gods idea means sometimes that I don’t ‘cook my meat’ even though I am ‘supposed’ cook my meat. So now I choose, to follow what the Lord is telling me to do, even though it doesn’t make sense. He provides and show us HOW if we stop asking why. When we do this He will bless us….
And we did come to the land which we called Bountiful, because of its much fruit and also wild honey; and all these things were prepared of the Lord that we might not perish. (1st Nephi 5)
So it may not make ‘sense’ that I choose to be an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints if it means not having a same sex partner. But Guess what, I am a whole in God. He makes my life sweet and full, so I have strength, to have joy everyday in this beautiful life. I rejoice in God daily because my life is so sweet.