Last night, I woke from a deep sleep having a huge epiphany. I realized the Lord has been directing me to things that I know exist, and yet, as I move toward those things, the treasures along the way are the places where I am finding God most.
I recently moved to Salt Lake City. I originally applied for a job at Utah Valley University. I however ended up accepting a job at an elementary school teaching general music in an after-school program. This job is incredibly challenging.
I have never had the desire to work with elementary-aged children. I have actually fostered a certain amount of resistance to anything small, ”weak” or seemingly dependent creatures, a.k.a. children and small dogs.
It’s now Christmas time. I drove from SLC to Maple Valley, Washington, to spend Christmas with a dear friend. Along the way, I stopped 3.5 hours short of my final destination to spend the night with my cousin and her family. I had such a remarkable feeling of ”home” while I was there that upon reaching my final destination, I found myself longing to be back in the home of my cousin. After a significant emotional breakdown, I drove back to the place my heart had been all along, to my cousins to spend more time.
Every Sunday I go to church, no questions about it, always go to church. Every Sunday I am reminded of the eternal destination – return to God. In light of all that I have been experiencing It hit me like a ton of bricks, I really have no idea what is best for me, but God does. Currently the experiences I am having, the lessons that I am learning and blessings I am receiving have nothing to do with my final destination. But as I strive to get to the next place, God is showing me the way to go.
What I am learning at elementary school.
I work in a charter prep school. The students wear a uniform at American Preparatory Academy. I have to dress up. Earrings, nice slacks, shoes, dress shirts/blouses, and earrings. This is nothing I have ever done before. This is nothing I have ever really wanted to do, or have seen myself doing. And yet, here I am. This thing, is making me see myself in a new light, I wish I could say it was helping me behave in a more professional manner but I still act like a renegade at times. Not only is there a uniform of dress, there is a uniform of spoken cues and responses to insure the students understanding of task/concept and engagement.
I feel like I have a lot to learn.
My heart is opening. I am learning some essential lessons again, that only children still remember, like how to be kind, how to love, how to forgive immediately, how to be present, and most importantly how to have fun. This is certainly the way to go. I have spent far too much time working hard and forgetting to have fun. I also have the coolest boss, who is nothing but about the well being of everyone. I am learning more about Christlike attributes through her example than anyone since my mother.
So I may not have landed the job I was originally looking for but it’s certainly the job that I need. It is certainly the way God would have me go.
I have been meditating on a verse of scripture for quite some time.
aCome unto me, all ye that blabour and are heavy laden, and I will give you crest. Take my ayoke upon you, and blearn of me; for I am cmeek and dlowly in eheart: and ye shall find frest unto your souls. For my yoke is aeasy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11. 28-30
Moving to SLC has rocked me to my core. I wasn’t looking forward to this, it was not my idea, I had to leave the house I built. I had to reenter city life and pay rent again. But I felt strongly prompted by the spirit to move, so I did.
After my final arrival (after 4 consecutive trips every weekend of October either traveling to, from or round trip back to the midwest, in a combination of driving and horrible flights) I was a completely frazzled and my nervous system was fried.
I fell into such a deep state of depression. I started to rely upon food for comfort. Seeing my disfunction of food (for which I have struggled for years) I decided to start to attend Addiction Recovery meetings. What a blessing. Yes, I am a food addict, like an alcoholic who cant just enjoy one drink. It turns into a landslide.
As I try and pull the heavy load of life, depression, new job, new home, new roads, new friends, new clothes new everything, this is heavy! AND now, surrender to God, because I can’t manage my food. This is heavy.
But the Lord is there. He Says “Come unto me all ye who labor and who are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me for I am meek and lowly of heart and ye shall find rest unto your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11; 28-30
I have learned that I have to give my heavy yoke to the Savior, and take his yoke who is willing to walk with me. Who will help me, and as I hand all my heaviness to him, I am learning who he is, and He is making me more like him in the process.
I have had to give my depression, my addiction to food, and all my character flaws to God, and it has blessed me with a spirit of meekness and lowliness of heart, I am learning about Jesus by inviting Him me to walk with him, and taking his path instead of mine. I am learning so much more along the way.
May this Christmas we give a heart of thanks the the Savior. That we can be washed clean of all that which keeps us trapped, bound and heavy. I am grateful for Gods eternal love through His Son Jesus Christ and the power of deliverance into light. Lightness of heart, and the light that comes through knowledge. For the truth shall set you free.
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