The Leap

Last week I completely forgot that I was to be preparing to teach a Sunday School lesson. Instead the spirit directed my morning scripture study to include a more earnest study of conference talks given in the General conferences of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I have learned through observation that the promptings I receive from the spirit always benefit me. Last week was no exception. The Lord was trying to show me something new.

Two weeks ago I followed a prompting/urge to get to know a sister in my ward and I found myself sitting in her small living room asking her a million questions about her life, where she grew up, about her education, travels, conversion to the gospel, and marriage and so on. She was very frank and did not mince words. This trait I value.

The conversation eventually turned to me. Let me first say, that members of the church here in Missouri seem extremely perplexed when I disclose that I am gay and they know I am a faithful and active member of the Lords restored Church. Me being gay doesn’t make since to them at all and they usually follow up with a question like “So, are ya still gay?” or “So, you just gonna leave it like that?”. I had no idea how to respond or even more, what they where getting at. I was confused by their confusion. Then I had this illuminating conversation.

The sister shared that she doesn’t think it right that a person who was once an alcoholic, and has been clean and sober for twenty years, continue to say they are an alcoholic. She pointed out that if I have been living the law of chastity for over 11 years, and have no desire to live the gay lifestyle, then why do I still call myself Gay? This got me pondering… the spirit got me pondering.

The next morning I was reading a conference talk referenced in the Come Follow Me lesson for the week. I read the following passage that struck me so deeply, it changed the fiber of my being.

Once we repent and priesthood leaders declare us worthy, we need not continue to confess and confess these past sins.

“Always Remember Him” Elder Garrit W. Gong, Ensign or Liahona May 2016

Then a door opened for me. I felt that perhaps, I could step away from the ‘Gay’ identifier. That perhaps I could have a completely new vision of myself, and see myself how God sees me.

The following day I read this.

“And he hath power given unto him from the Father to redeem them from their sins because of repentance; therefore he hath sent his angels to declare the tidings of the conditions of repentance”

“The Love of God” By Elder D. Todd Christofferson Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Ensign or Liahona, October 2021

Condition of Repentance. My mind whirled. I was suddenly overcome with this word condition. I thought about a condition of the mind, condition of the body and that conditions of the body, mind and spirit can change. Like an athlete, who spends time conditioning to compete or perform. What was my condition/ state of mind? My mental state of mind, the condition of heart and spirit is directly related to my condition of repentance?

Then the leap…

Could I allow myself a new condition? Had I actually conditioned myself by walking the covenant path, to allow the Lord to change the way I see myself? Could I have come to a new condition of repentance, where my sins have actually remitted to a point of me being able to be free of them. That is the promise is, isn’t it?

I had been pondering all the words from our dear prophet Russel M. Nelson on faith and repentance. How President Nelson has talked so much about the repentance being beautiful and freeing. He states:

The word for repentance in the Greek New Testament is metanoeo. The prefix meta- means “change.” The suffix -noeo is related to Greek words that mean “mind,” “knowledge,” “spirit,” and “breath.”⁵

Thus, when Jesus asks you and me to “repent,” He is inviting us to change our mind, our knowledge, our spirit—even the way we breathe.

“We Can Do Better and Be Better” President Russell M. Nelson, Ensign or Liahona, May 2019

In Classical Greek, metanoia meant changing one’s mind about someone or something.

Wikipedia (Metnoia)

Indeed it was the Lord was giving me new vision.

I thought about massive effort to rebrand of the Church from the name “Mormon”, which was given by man and to use the name given by Jesus Christ in D & C 115:4 which is “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints” This rebranding took massive effort to correct every written document, website address, Social Media, Blogs, tweets and so on. To me this was a perfect example of even our Prophet and President of the church helping us and the rest of the world grow closer to the Savior, repenting, or changing.

As of this moment, I am rebranding myself. I am no longer identifying a Gay Latter-Day Saint, I am now Tina Richerson, daughter of God and follower of Christ. That’s it. I am now more prepared to enter a covenant relationship with a priesthood holder than I have ever been. That being said, I will not force, or push something into being that isn’t there. I look forward to the time when I am genuinely attracted to a man. I believe that it can happen and one day will happen. I am constantly amazed at what the Lord is able to do. Indeed, he is a God of Miracles.